On Sunday I was mad. I mean really mad. The kind of mad where I was shaking, teary and even had a passing wave of nausea. I’d try not to think about it, to talk myself out of it even. But I was unsuccessful. And sleeping on it didn’t help.
There was one problem. The person I was mad at was my priest.
Side note: I think the world of my priest, my spiritual father. I respect him and love him and am amazed at how easily he simplifies complex life issues.
But I was pissed.
Because I am also on Parish Council and we had a meeting last night, I emailed him to let him know how I felt and asked if I could please talk to him prior to the council meeting. He agreed, surprised to hear about my anger, and I reluctantly showed up at the designated time.
Relationships are strengthened through conflict resolution. I repeated this like a mantra in preparation for our meeting. There is something risky about admitting to another person that you are upset, especially one you love. That person can decide that putting up with your shit isn’t worth it and walk away. Or they could stay, hear you out, share how they feel and your relationship will prosper as a result.
I was told to go into the church. Normally we meet in his office to talk, so I immediately felt like I was in “big trouble”. He put on the stole he wears during confession and called me to the icon of Christ, instructing me to venerate it after he did. Then we stood next to each other, in front of the breathtaking iconostatis and prayed together.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Glory to You, Christ our God, our hope, Glory to You!
Heavenly King, Comforter, the Spirit of Truth, present in all places and filling all things, Treasury of Goodness and Giver of life: come and abide in us. Cleanse us from every stain of sin and save our souls, O Gracious Lord.
Holy God. Holy Mighty. Holy Immortal Have mercy on us.
Holy God. Holy Mighty. Holy Immortal Have mercy on us.
Holy God. Holy Mighty. Holy Immortal Have mercy on us.Glory to the Father, and the Son and the Holy Spirit, both now and forever and to the ages of ages. Amen
All Holy Trinity, have mercy on us. Lord, forgive our sins. Master, pardon our transgressions. Holy One, visit and heal our infirmities, for the glory of Your name.Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy. Lord, have mercy.
Glory to the Father, and the Son and the Holy Spirit, both now and forever and to the ages of ages. Amen
Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.For Yours is the Kingdom and the Power and the Glory of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, both now and forever and to the ages of ages. Amen.
By my soft whispers, I think Fr. John could tell that I was nervous. “Lord have mercy,” he whispered half-smiling as he turned the pages in his prayer book looking for a specific prayer. I elbowed him, half-smiling back. The prayer he was looking for was related to conflicts, anger and forgiveness as best I remember. “A special angry prayer,” I explained to my brother later. After finishing the prayer, we went and sat down on the pew.
Silence. I knew he was waiting for me to start.
I took a deep breath and started in on how I was feeling. He sat listening, interjecting as necessary. At first we were misunderstanding each other’s points, so we went round and round to clarify our positions. Eventually we realized it was a miscommunication, and I was upset prematurely. “You may have overreacted a little, but I don’t fault you for that.” And I knew that was the truth.
“Please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you,” he said. “I do forgive you, if you will forgive me. I never meant to hurt you either,” I replied. We stood up and hugged, following the tradition of Forgiveness Vespers.
(Forgiveness Vespers is before Great Lent starts and involves every person in the parish asking each other for forgiveness. One says, “Forgive me my brother/sister,” and the other replies “God forgives, forgive me also.”)
And then it was over. The anger, the frustration, the hurt were all gone.
My sister-in-law pointed out, “Can you imagine if all conflicts were resolved that way? That’s amazing!” And she’s right. Relationships are strengthened through conflict resolution. And it was definitely true in this case.